The Los Angeles City Council’s public comment period often features bizarre, nonsensical, offensive or ludicrous statements, but two young “bros” opposed to the council’s attempts to crack down on party houses brought new levity to City Hall Friday.
“Activist and house party enthusiast” Chad Kroger and his friend, identified as JT, both told the council how a plan to increase fines and penalties against so-called “party houses” was totally uncool in their view.
Council President Herb Wesson, who appeared to have encountered the pair at a previous meeting, called the two “L.A.’s Bill and Ted” before they spoke.
“Raging at house parties is the truest way to party. I’ve tried to party at clubs but they’re polluted by fedoras and v-necks, and honestly its almost impossible to let loose with such bad vibes,” Kroger said.
“Plus, I’m on my parents’ allowance and can’t afford bottle service, so if you guys go through with this I’ll be really screwed,” he said. “Please don’t do this. In America, we always talk about freedom, but what do we mean by that? Well, to me, freedom is rocking a fresh Rouka tank in the warm sun while playing beer pong with your boys. What good is bronzing if you can’t do it with your squad?”
The Planning and Land Use Management Committee recently approved a draft ordinance that would widen the type of behavior that could result in a property owner or manager being fined or facing a criminal charge over unruly parties, create escalating fines up to $4,000 for repeat violators, and require a public posting for 30 days on homes found in violation.
JT told the council that parties “are what’s needed to unite the United States of America. I’d like to share an anecdote. Chad and I were not always super tight bros. We were star crossed — he was a surfer, I was a body boarder. We operated in different worlds.”
JT added that the two ultimately bonded at a party over “chugging a sixer of Bud `diesel’ out of a beer bong. In that moment, I felt so close to him. I think if America could just take a moment to stop and chug, they could feel that too.”
Kroger previously appeared before the San Clemente City Council in March where he advocated for a 12-foot statue to be built of late “Fast and the Furious” actor Paul Walker on its pier.
“Detroit has the Robocop. Philly has Rocky. We need Paul Walker,” Kroger said.
Kroger was asked by a council member if Walker had any connection to the city, and he said that the actor went to high school in San Clemente. A council member then informed Kroger that Walker did not go to high school in the city, but his cousin did.
–City News Service